I am borrowing the words of Charles Bukowski now........

For I cant express my own views better than what he expressed here, in this poem

Alone With Everybody

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills. 

How does it feel when you are taking your last breath of freedom.............

This place has become my personal diary, sometimes my only friend to whom I crib about all the things that went wrong in my life. I can speak of my notions about love, speak of hurt that you get from family, speak about pain of an imposed relationship that I cant connect to, speak of how messed up or beautiful life has been. And I guess I listen to my own voice.

I called up all my near and dear ones, as if I am on my death bed trying to make a few confessions, trying to divulge a few secrets, asking for a few apologies against my ego which stopped me each time. I am surprisingly still midst all this chaos lost in my dreams and possibilities and that's the only beautiful thing about this time.

Its this sinking feeling that I cant get over :(  :(  :(

Is it time for another goodbye........

I will hide behind the clouds of anonymity,
Live as if life was a ritual that needs to be lived,
Look at unknown faces and find you in them,
Look at myself and say all this doesn't make sense,
Trust me I know, I always knew.

I envy his wisdom, I envy his completeness, what I am still seeking already belongs to him.