After a decade I decided to resume writing, as if ages of dissonance has come to settle down in mind. It gives me the same feeling that you experiance when you visit your ancient house, a house which is an imperative story teller  of your memories. It enchants you with the vivid imagery of your past, your life, something that was once part of you and you feel like reviving it.
Things have changed I am a wife now. Some take changes quite easily, but for me it was gradually sinking in. And life continues to exist, in the same unusual way that it had been.
More dreams, more turbulence, more efforts to keep it going. 

I am borrowing the words of Charles Bukowski now........

For I cant express my own views better than what he expressed here, in this poem

Alone With Everybody

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills. 

How does it feel when you are taking your last breath of freedom.............

This place has become my personal diary, sometimes my only friend to whom I crib about all the things that went wrong in my life. I can speak of my notions about love, speak of hurt that you get from family, speak about pain of an imposed relationship that I cant connect to, speak of how messed up or beautiful life has been. And I guess I listen to my own voice.

I called up all my near and dear ones, as if I am on my death bed trying to make a few confessions, trying to divulge a few secrets, asking for a few apologies against my ego which stopped me each time. I am surprisingly still midst all this chaos lost in my dreams and possibilities and that's the only beautiful thing about this time.

Its this sinking feeling that I cant get over :(  :(  :(

Is it time for another goodbye........

I will hide behind the clouds of anonymity,
Live as if life was a ritual that needs to be lived,
Look at unknown faces and find you in them,
Look at myself and say all this doesn't make sense,
Trust me I know, I always knew.

I envy his wisdom, I envy his completeness, what I am still seeking already belongs to him.

Can I save you in my memory as my favorite bookmark?

Rainbows and Rains

And that which seems like pain,
Is beyond that,
It means learning humility,
It means growing strong.
Though the phase is pretty maddening,
always believe in the purpose of its existence.
And happiness has its purpose too, 
It means there is a rainbow, after the rain.